Existence is existence.
There is no solution because it is all beyond imagination, which is the truth, Neta, and also simply imagination. There are no words that can explain or help us understand existence. In many religions, you are not even supposed to write God, as the word, the spider symbols themselves are an idol and also a disrespect and a stupidity, because not even God, the word, can substitute or symbolize the infinity of G-d.
Existence is simply existence.
Make-believe. Invention. Insanity.
It is not intellectual discourse about the abstraction of existence that will solve anything. It is not any policy that will help us reach out of existence because that is simply impossible to reach out of existence—except through death. No school, no education, no technology will fulfill us out of existence. In fact they are all facades to try to deal with existence instead of simply allowing existence to be existence, something that is here while we are here and that is not here for us when we are no longer here—yet it does, perhaps, continue to exist for those others, perfect strangers, that continue in this world.
So, if I must exist, live, I live to be conscious and to feel.
As far as consciousness is concerned, it was best for me not to follow the strict structures of school normalization and believe that that system would have led me to consciousness. If I would not have dropped out of school in the seventh grade, I would have probably believed in high school and then worshipped a steady job, a job that would probably not even exist anymore or be on the verge of death today. Instead, because I made the stupid brilliant chance choice to feel this life, I became involved with many taboos—drugs, death, destruction, war, love, laughter, light—all of it without any lens to analyze it. I felt it. I feel it. I felt the moment, the sublime and the suffering. This led me to be who I am today: chance choice. I am grateful that I refused the societal mass media mainstream brainwashing.
But that does not mean that I am oblivious to it. I am in it. I am writing to you through this technological medium that entertains me but also keeps me away from myself. I cannot help it. I am a writer. I did eventually receive formal institutional education and mold some of myself through writing and actioning, through mixing together intellectual ideas with vato loco vida loca. I am content regarding my own absurdity because I feel it is somewhat unique, but, still, I, I, the word and the imagined self, am not enough for my own fulfillment.
I do not believe in the system. I play along with it for my own purposes and know I am not totally immune to its effects, but as much as possible I strive to constantly efface myself and to be conscious of the eternal absurdity and corruption of the system. Seeing that insanity, understanding simply the root of that insanity is more than enough to keep me grounded and humble. The roots are always truth. That is why I believe in the concept of family/tribal love. That is the most precise and effective and most natural root on Earth.
We all have roots. We are all indigenous, of this earth. We are family and tribes. That is the entire world, moreso than any imagination of the concept of earth or even humanity. The abstraction of humanity does not do justice to the human being in front of me. You are with me now if you are reading this; you are with me, and I am with you. We together right now are the world. The people you see in front of you are the world at this present moment. The person you stare at in the mirror is the world at this present moment. The perfect stranger that passes you by is the world in this present moment. Family. Tribes.
From my father, regardless of his sixth grade education and his Indio ways as a firewater drinker and shit starter, I received powerful feelings to respect ideas. Although he died when I was nine, his teachings were enough for me to feel what I feel now at 48 years old. I do not remember even one lesson he taught me, nor do I remember his voice, yet it was him and his death, the feelings he left me, not the illusion of the school system, that gifted me the consciousness I now hold. It was a blessing that I rebelled against the school system and dropped out in the seventh grade. I would not be who I am if I would have conformed to their untrue, generic, capitalist driven pedagogies.
Today we are in a place beyond even capitalism’s corruption. Humans are now serving technology. This will become even more apparent in the future. I do not believe any dissertation or policy or school system can change that, nor offer any real effective reform. Technology is simply too powerful and brutal. Even capitalism must submit to technology.
This does not cause me despair, though. We have victory in the present moment. In the present moment, we can learn to feel and critically think and become conscious and unmask the layers of corruption and also invent new methods to fight the power. The best we can do is gift these strategies to our loved ones and let them do their best with all of what they still have in their own human minds. I will not be here in the future, so really it does not matter. I have a duty to my legacy, but I cannot allow that duty to overwhelm me either, or I will not be appreciative of the present moment, and after all is said and done,
The present moment is what builds the future.
There is an energy from the present moment that gets imprinted into the spirit. I believe that love is the most powerful force in the universe to feel the universe and this life; therefore, as long as there is love, love in teaching, love in learning, love in communication, love in feeling, love in loving, love even in suffering, then I know I am fine, and I believe we as human beings can be fine. Combined together, love and the present moment, we will be fine.
This is beyond what I understand, and I am ok with that.